The Perpetual Fantasy
by NeuroticMuse413
Summary: Though Draco and Hermione never learn a thing about each other, they become closer than friends... than lovers. And then, just as quickly, he leaves and she is left with the fantasy of a perfect night and the perfect man without a single word to his name.


**DISCLAIMER: **_I do not own Harry Potter or any of the names set forth in this story. _

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ I wrote this because I wanted a different approach to my writing. I wanted to show that love exists in silence as well, that witty conversation is just another way to hide our true emotions. Though Draco and Hermione never learn a thing about each other, they become closer than friends… than lovers. And then, just as quickly, he leaves and she is left with the fantasy of a perfect night and the perfect man, without a single word to his name. I hope you enjoy this, that it makes you think, and that you kindly take the time to review. –Gracie._

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**The Perpetual Fantasy**

_By NeuroticMuse413_

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Hermione sat in her usual seat at the Gryffindor table. The seat beside her was empty again. She hated to think she was getting used to it. Ron was avoiding her like the plague. Harry and Ginny had thought it funny to lock them in a closet with a washing machine, a broom, and a copy of the Kama Sutra to let them work out their issues. They screamed at each other for 15 minutes, made out for 10, and went back to screaming at each other when Hermione mentioned how he was going to act when they left the room and it started yet another debate. Now it was too awkward to see each other again.

She hated to admit that she liked his kisses, his nervous caresses. His fingers trembled clumsily and he had no idea what he was doing. She hated to admit that she missed Krum's confident and forceful kisses. At least she knew he wanted her, truly but physically. Ron, she could grow to love but he was not ready yet to love _her_. He had not lost her yet and so, he would never rise to the task. He was still just a boy in a man's body.

After a half hour of staring into her still uneaten pile of peas on her plate, she looked up, feeling a cold pair of eyes upon her. Instantly, her attention was drawn to the Slytherin table, to a blonde head through the mob of students. His gray eyes stared at her, examining her like an observer at an execution. He leaned on his fist and just looked at her, calmly and without fear of being caught. Nobody around him seemed to notice. They were all animated in conversation. Even Pansy, who would tear her to pieces for stealing him from her for just a moment, had begun flirting with Goyle.

And they were left to themselves, two solitary figures lost in the crowd.

She thought that maybe he could sense her loneliness and felt the need to look away but couldn't. She then thought he was hypnotizing her but she knew all about hypnosis and was positively sure it was all a crock. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe he was trying to set her hair on fire with his mind. She didn't know but his eyes suddenly turned sad. It was like he was pleading for her with just a stare, and the world turned silent and Ron was erased from her mind for a very small time.

She would think later that it had been her imagination but she was sure he was saying he was sorry. He gave a small appreciative nod and she was left speechless. Her stomach turned upside down and she thought she was going to vomit. She replied his nod and he smiled at her. That's when the silent world turned into a blur and she couldn't understand why she was smiling too.

It went on like this for weeks. They'd just stare at each other across the Great Hall, class... They wouldn't risk touch or talk. There was nowhere safe inside the castle, nowhere she could let him know of. There was so much fear and so much hesitancy. The day came when they could tell what the other was thinking across the room just by looking at each other. Body language said it all. The way she walked or the scowl he wore made all the difference. His worrisome eyes made everything better. Her sympathy took away the pain. And both were left breathless by the power of each other's presence.

One day in spring, she found a feather and a lily by her pillow. The flower had yet to bloom so it was just a long bud, still pink and young. She didn't really think about it, since boys couldn't enter the girls' dormitory. For a moment, she thought she had a lesbian admirer but just ended up laughing to herself. She thought maybe Ginny had brought them in from Ron. It made sense but something told her Ron was not so sweet or calculating. His idea of a gift was a pair of socks or one of his mother's sweaters.

She thought to turn the feather into a quill and later that night, she dunked it into some ink to begin her homework. But the feather refused to write. It just absorbed all the ink. When she put it to parchment, it began to write of its own free will in elegant handwriting.

_Hermione,_

_My time here at school is about to end. I'm afraid I will soon be driven into exile. I don't fight it. I more than deserve it and take it as penance, and a sign, that with time alone with my thoughts, I will be allowed to return as a free man. _

_There's something about your eyes that I cannot explain. The comfort they gave me during these past months is quite the only thing I'll miss._

_I know it is too much to ask but I value your forgiveness and would prefer to say goodbye in person. If you would do me the honor, I would like to meet for dinner at the Stubborn Arrow in Hogsmeade upon our next visit. 6PM. I will be waiting. _

_Draco Malfoy_

Her hand shook, both with anticipation and fear. The thought that this was just another trap was lingering very close to her heart but had not penetrated yet. She heard someone coming up the stairs and quickly set the letter on fire.

"You alright, 'Mione? You look a bit pale," Ginny asked, heading for her own bed.

"It's nothing. All this homework. It's sucking the life of me," she replied with a fake smile, refusing to look her in the eye and pretending to shuffle through her papers and book bag. Maybe Draco was right. There was something truthful about her eyes. Maybe her soul wasn't as rigid as she thought, or maybe he just sated her heart with the fire she'd been yearning for.

When she thought about the dinner that night, she did not imagine eating. Lust was getting to her, and she knew the next morning at class, he would be able to tell. So, she avoided his eyes for the first time in months. He took it as an answer to the dinner.

Hogsmeade came around and he didn't expect her to come. He showed up to the restaurant as he had promised, in case she had changed her mind. She broke away from Ron and Harry and found her way to the Stubborn Arrow. It was at the other end of Hogsmeade and was very private and dark. She looked through the window very nonchalantly and saw him sitting with his head lowered at the corner table for two. He had a lily in his hands and had ordered tea but nothing more.

He waited a half hour. She had watched him from outside, waiting for him to exit. When he left through the door, she pulled him into the alley by the collar and pushed him against the dirty brick wall. He looked both relieved and surprised, even let out a small sigh when he saw her. She went to speak, desperate to explain herself, when he ran the back of his hand softly against her cheek as if checking to see if she was real. He smiled at her, feeling her warm breath upon his skin. She was so close. His fingers traced her arm to her waist and brought her in closer. She thought her skin was going to leave her behind to be with him. Every pore in her body wanted to kiss him.

His eyes were locked on her like a wolf. She realized they hadn't said a word to each other in months but there was no need. He was like a fantasy, there for a moment and gone the next. Talking would have attached her to him in ways she knew she could never truly accept. When he left, the fantasy would fade but she would have had a memory for eternity, a kind one with no sense of remorse or pain. The picture of his eyes would be burned into her dreams and she would make sure never to forget him.

So, without fear, she neared his lips and brushes hers with his ever so lightly, waiting for him to respond. He understood what they were, what she was trying to say. They shared a slow kiss in the alley, a small caress that would echo through a lifetime. His hand went to _her_ hand and he led her to a quiet and expensive inn a block down. He'd been there before, for his feet walked as if by memory. His eyes never left hers or her hand his.

He looked to the manager at the front desk only once and in an instant, he was recognized as a Malfoy. He was given a key with a number but they didn't quite make it. The stairs seemed to stir something in them and the moment they reached the third floor where their room was, she dropped her coat and they were once again pressed against the wall. What began as slow and cherished turned into a frenzy of hands and lips and tongues. They found their way to the room and shed their clothes slowly and desperately at the same time.

He laid her down on the bed and the image of Ron's hurt face popped into her mind. Maybe now he would miss her, want her like she wanted Draco right now. He was so quick and skilled, his confidence and arrogance richly deserved. His breathing was ragged and forced. At times, she forgot to breathe. A feeling of quiet ecstasy rose up her body and she welcomed it gladly. When she looked at him again, her eyes said it all… how much they had wanted each other and how slowly it was leaving them now.

They had 20 minutes before they had to be back at Hogwarts but there was no hurry. They didn't bother to get dressed right away. A certain calm had flowed through them, weaving through their blood like venom until it killed their hopes of ever rekindling that feeling elsewhere. It was theirs and theirs alone. She knew if they ever needed each other's company, even if just to hold each other on dreadful nights, a feather would come to her and she would be alright again.

Draco left the school for Spain last she heard. He had never bothered to ask and understood that it did not matter. Ron had felt her distance from him and with time, grew to be what she wanted. But he too was a passing memory with far too problems and fights. Years after graduation, the memory of Draco and his truthful silence changed everything. She couldn't find that feeling in anyone else. She sought it in every sort of men.

Then, nearly a decade after that faithful night in Hogsmeade, she found herself in Sevilla in front of his house. She'd followed her feet at last as Draco had done. He hadn't moved, waiting for her to need him again. The world had become dangerous and everyone who cared for her had withered away. Friendships were worthless. Relationships were firelight compared to the blazing sun of his memory.

She realized where her body could not be, her heart had never left. When she tightened her fist at last to knock on the door, he opened it with a grand smile.

"I've been waiting for you," he finally said and it broke down every defense she had left in her. The pain, the anger, the fear… it exploded in his arms where she could only feel safe. And she dropped down to her knees and cried for days, and when her lips found him again, it was like walking into the rain for the first time and feeling the world cradle her.

She would leave and live the life she had chosen, then come to him when it got to be too much. Sometimes once a month, once a week… until finally, she had made a home in his arms. And his scent became her scent and his thoughts became as clear to read as the books she so cherished.

Words became the fantasy, and love finally the true course.


End file.
